Here I am in the middle of my first Chinese New Year.  It's been quite an experience.  I was warned that its a bit like living in a war zone, but even my wildest imaginings couldnt really prepare me for it. 

The fireworks began at around dusk on New Years Eve, a few isolated pockets of noise in an otherwise peaceful city.  By 11.30pm, when we eventually ventured outside, I had a brief moment of panic when I wondered if Shanghai was suddenly the new Iraq.

The noise was indescribable.  It was so loud, that Si had to yell directly into my ear when he wanted to tell me something, and even then I had trouble hearing him.  We watched as Si's brother Joe unraveled a coil of crackers and laid them out in a long line across the ground.  He lit the fuse at one end and ran for cover.  There is no doubt in my mind that the noise from a chain of 3000 crackers exploding about 2 meters from your feet is one of the most frightening sounds that can ever be heard.  I have no actual knowledge of what a machine gun sounds like, but in my imagination I think this comes pretty close.   I was convinced that my time living in China, while very interesting and enjoyable, was about to come to an end.  Si's family laughed and yelled their delight, clapping their hands appreciatively and apparently unconcerned.  Joe took out the next round of artillery.  These were the "double bangers".  Incredibly these were even more frightening than the first - they explode on the ground with a noise that sounds like an atom bomb going off, and then rocket into the air at high speed and explode again at an even greater volume.

More fireworks were produced.  This time it was a very very large box, with a string-like thing that protruded from one end.  I realized with some panic that this was no string but a fuse.  Again Joe lit the fuse and ran for shelter.  The sight of an extremely large box containing about 100 fireworks exploding is an amazing thing.  Particularly as we, like every one else in Shanghai had just lit them in the only available space between 2 apartment buildings.  Amazingly the fireworks rocketed into the air avoiding both the apartments and the overhead power lines and exploded into incredible pinks and blues, yellows, greens and purples.  It was spectacular. 

Probably the best way to describe Shanghai on Chinese New Years Eve, is to describe it in terms of scale.  Think about how many fireworks we had for just 10 people.  Now think what it would be like if every group of 10 people in Shanghai had as many as us (this is not unreasonable as they are so cheap here).  There are about 20 million people in Shanghai...

For hours the sky around us erupted in flashes of light.  I have already said that the noise was deafening.  The smoke was so thick that it was difficult to make out the shapes of the buildings around us.  Small children, some as young as 4 or 5 years old, were wandering around giggling delightedly and throwing handfuls of little exploding crackers at peoples’ feet.  Out on the streets people piled boxes of fireworks one on top of the other in the middle of the road, while crowds gathered to watch the show and the never ending stream of taxi drivers weaved their way carefully around them.  Every inch of the ground was covered in a thick red carpet of exploded shells and cracker wrappers.  Car alarms wailed, their roofs and bonnets also buried under a blanket of red.

It's going to be like this every night for a week.  Only another 4 days to go!  Who can sleep when this is going on?

Think of me waiving my little sparklers and trying to avoid getting shell shock!

Happy year of the Dog!

I had to do part 2 of my Chinese work visa registration today.  Two weeks ago I did part one - applying for the entry visa.  This involved doing a complete health check (blood, lungs, heart etc) that should then have enabled me to continue with my application here.  So today I rocked up with my New Zealand medical records and x-rays (remember they are only 2 weeks old) only to be told that they are unacceptable for part two of the visa application and I would need to do it again (grrrr).   I wonder how many people do contract HIV or bird flu whilst on the plane between their home country and China - I wouldn’t have thought many, but I am open to the possibility that I am wrong on this. 

So here I am, 2pm, paying another RMB700 to do a similar exam to that I did only 2 weeks before.  I change into the hospital gown, lock my gear into the small locker and take the key.  A girl hands me some regulation hospital booties and directs me down the corridor.

“Go to room 110”

Room 110 – large, scary, shiny machinery.  A non-communicative doctor peers at me over her face mask.

“Undo robe.”

Naked and nervous, I tell myself to breath normally and be calm, lest I am found to be irregular in some way and either made to take more tests, or worse flatly refused my visa.

It is over.  I smile hopefully.

“Go to room 106.”

Room 106 – the blood pressure room.  An easy one – I should pass this no problems.  Two weeks ago everything was spot on – today the readings are different and I put it down to nerves and anger at having to redo the tests.  The doctor waives me away unconcernedly.

“Normal.  Go to room 112.”

Back I track to the eye testing room.  The nurse makes me read some tiny and distant “W”s and “M”s backwards in a mirror.  This is hard work and I take my time.  Relief at last – I got them all right.

This time maybe it is over.  I risk a nervous, questioning glance at the nurse.

“Go to room 109.”

X-rays.  I try to remember the procedure the radiographer had explained to me back in Auckland 2 weeks ago.  Hold your breath when she says, stay still, hunch your shoulders forward to ensure all of your body is pressed against the x-ray plate.  Today the radiographer says nothing, and while I am trying to remember what to do there is a buzz and it is over.  I have inhaled and exhaled through the whole thing – I hope my lungs don’t appear too blurry as a result.

Room 110, 107, 108. More and more rooms. Blood tests, scary machines, ultra sounds, lung tests, stomach exams.  Backwards and forwards I shuffle in my little wrap around hospital gown (that in some perverse way refuses to stay done up) and little blue regulation hospital booties.  My time there becomes a blur of anonymous, masked faces.  Have I seen this person before?  I don’t think so, but how can I be sure?  When will it end?  Is there an end?  I start to feel dizzy and like I am going around in circles, and suddenly it is over. 

I emerge, blinking, into the glary light of the payment area.  A lady without a mask takes my form from me, which now carries the marks of various doctors and nurses, and has a few test results stapled to the back. 

“Do you want pick up or delivery?”

Another RMB30 for express delivery and I am done.  Free. 

And after it all, after the miles of endless corridors I have walked, the puncture wound in my arm from the blood sample and the complete loss of any dignity I once thought I had, I cant help thinking that this was probably the most efficient way to do this thing that must be done.  How many people just like me must they get through here in a day?  Hundreds, I would think.  Is it easier to redo the tests rather than wade through the notes of these overseas doctors, document what has been tested and what hasn’t and partially test everyone to make up the difference?  Probably. 

Day two

Si and I have just come back from dinner - we went to a small restaurant across the road from the bunker.  The cuisine is Hunan cuisine, with lots of very sweet or very spicey dishes.  Better even than the dishes though were the English translations of the names of the chinese dishes.  These excellent examples of "chinglish" had us roaring in laughter whilst the other diners looking on disapprovingly.

My two favourite translations/typos were:

Boiled Elf  (presumably boiled eel)

and

Special Fuckness Meat

which to be honest was undecipherable, and we still dont know what this was supposed to be!